I’m not ‘just’ an opting out researcher and expert; I’ve actually gone through the opting out and in process myself. In other words, I have first-hand experience of my topic and I recognize a lot of the things people I’ve interviewed say about opting out. I didn’t really think about it much when I embarked on my own opting out and in journey – at the time I didn’t even think of it as opting out. But the more I researched the topic and the more I talked to people who were going through their own opting out journey, the more I realized that this is actually about my life as well. 

One of the things that really stands out in my own experience is that actually taking the step and changing my life and work in a way that I hadn’t necessarily planned, has opened my mind to different paths, lifestyles and ways of doing things. Another thing is that the people around me don’t necessarily get it – they don’t always understand nor can they relate to my choices and the things I do. But that’s okay, and it’s actually also quite understandable.

As I said, opting out has opened my world. Before opting out, I had worked for years in the business world, building a career, and it was really the only thing I knew. I couldn’t imagine doing things in any other way; I couldn’t see that there might be a different lifestyle out there for me. It simply wasn’t on my radar. 

And that’s the thing, we know what we know and we don’t what we don’t know, banal as it may sound. This is the reason that opting out can be so scary and why more people dream of doing it than actually going through with it. You’re literally jumping out into the unknown.

This is also true for the people around you. They know what they know, and because they aren’t the ones going through an opting out and in process – you are – it’s difficult for them to imagine anything else. On top of that, people tend to be somewhat risk averse, and the thought of you jumping into the unknown just comes across as scary, possibly dangerous, and probably just a bad idea. And people tend to project their own fears on others.

Then there is the fact that your decision to do something ‘differently’ may come as a complete shock to them. We are all complex individuals with many different sides to us and when people catch a glimpse of a part of you they have never seen before, it might seem completely out of character to them – even if it doesn’t to you – and that can also be very disconcerting. 

And, finally, you changing your life and doing something more or less radically different may feel like a threat to people and might make them insecure about their own life choices. You might be making changes that they don’t feel that they can (whether or not that’s true. We rarely feel like we can until we actually do it…) and that might be an uncomfortable reminder for them that maybe they are resigning themselves to something they don’t have to. It might make them question their choices.

So, to make a long story short, not everyone has it in them or even knows how to support you on your journey. This can be disappointing, because it may also be true for people close to you whose opinion means a lot. But that doesn’t mean you’re making a mistake. 

What it means is that you need to find and surround yourself with people – maybe even just one person – who can support you and cheer you on. Because no matter how experienced, seasoned, established or successful you get, it doesn’t stop being important. It’s something we all need. 

I have personally spent the better part of the past two decades carving out a path for myself. And I’m not done. Opting out and in is not a one-off thing. Our lives change, our needs change, and we change. What this means, is that I have made, and will continue to make, choices that not everyone gets. They make sense to me though, and that’s what’s important. 

So, just because your people don’t seem get what it is you’re doing, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be doing it. You’re forging your own path, creating your own life, and you’re going places other people haven’t been before. Other people would make other choices because that’s what would be right for them, not you. Besides, as someone wise once said, what other people think of you (and your choices) is really none of your concern. 

At the end of the day, it’s your life, your journey, your work. 

This blog post is from a new book I’m working on: 12 Things to Consider when Opting Out