Category Archives: Career

It isn’t just you

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As some of you may know, I’ve started working on my fourth book (while still working on my third book, which I guess is typical of me but a gal’s got to do what a gal’s got to do….). I’m using the opting out blog to get it written and I’ve started publishing excerpts of each chapter every month. This month is chapter two. 

The funny thing – or maybe not so funny – is that I’ve been so frustrated lately. I decided several years ago that an academic career wasn’t for me. I felt that the age-old structures and practices that make up the academic world make it so frustrating to work there, that if I could, I would rather work elsewhere. I felt like I had choices, so I did. 

But then I got sucked back in. There is a lot that I really appreciate about work in the academic world – the intellectual freedom and challenge, my colleagues, my students, the space to write… But lately the structures and practices have really had me reeling. 

Like most people, I’ve been second guessing myself. I have seriously been wondering if there is something wrong with me since I can’t help but let the structural realities, that I really can’t do very much about, bother me so much. I’ve gone so far as to ask friends and family if they think there is something wrong with me since I get so worked up. I mean everyone else seems to be doing just fine, right?

Then I sat down to write my blog post and start the second chapter of my book. I went to check my table of contents to remind myself what the second chapter was going to be about. I opened the word document and there it was. It said, It isn’t just you.

The world works in funny ways and just as I was doubting myself, an earlier version of me told me exactly what I needed to hear. I chuckled and thought to myself that I really need to listen to myself more often. 

It’s true though. This is something I hear again and again and one of the main findings of my research. When people struggle, they will often wonder if it’s just them. And you know what, more often than not, it isn’t.

The feeling that something is detrimentally wrong or that you can’t do this anymore can be a very lonely feeling. Everyone around you seems to be doing just fine while you’re filled with self-doubt and anxiety. And herein lies a clue. Everyone else seems like they’re doing just fine, but looks can be deceiving. 

I’ll bet you seem like you’re doing just fine too!

One reason we know so little about how others are doing, is that most people don’t feel like they can tell others at work when they struggle. There is very little room and patience in a lot of organizational settings for weakness or failure, which is terrible really. It is only when we can show our vulnerability, be allowed to fail and learn from our mistakes that we can really do great things at work. Organizations talk so much about employees reaching their full potential, but ironically, in a culture where vulnerability is frowned upon, we fall short. Research has shown that psychological safety and the ability to really be oneself at work, is key when it comes to creativity, innovation and, yes, reaching one’s full potential. 

What it means is that in a culture where we don’t feel safe to be vulnerable, we are also generally not very outspoken about what is really going on with us because we don’t want to risk being conceived as a trouble maker, not good enough or not having what it takes. 

In my research I have found that this is especially true for women. In a world where gender inequality is still very much a thing, women generally have to work so hard and be so good in order to be able to compete for the same jobs as men. And if they have children, there is yet another dimension. 

Having children is often considered an asset for a man, something that develops him as a person and makes him a more responsible and reliable employee. For women, on the other hand, having children can be a career limiting move. When women have children, their dedication and priorities are often questioned. As a result, they may be discriminated or ’mommy-tracked’. That is why a lot of women avoid talking about their children or any issues they may have juggling children with a career, especially at work. Not talking about it means that they have no idea anyone else is going through anything similar, which, in turn, has them feeling very isolated in their struggles but also completely oblivious of the fact that they really aren’t alone. 

And if there is anything I have seen in my research, it is that we actually do share similar experiences and struggles. All of us, both men and women. A lot of the things that we struggle with are not, in fact, individual issues that can be solved alone, but structural ones (that cannot be solved individually but we are still expected to). 

Another reason people don’t air their frustrations may be that they don’t feel like they have a lot of choices. That is one reason why most people dream of opting out but don’t actually take the step: they have trouble even imagining an alternative to what they are doing now. And if they don’t feel like they have much choice, they are bound to keep their heads down and make the best of it. You simply do what you have to do to cope. After all, people don’t generally make drastic career decision unless pushed and they don’t opt out unless they feel like it is something they just have to do because they realize that the thought of staying is scarier that jumping into the unknown.

But regardless of what the reason is, if you feel frustrated, know that you are most probably not alone. 

If every atom in your being is telling you that something just isn’t right, then it probably isn’t, at least not for you.

And if you’re an employer, you need to make a point of talking to your people. Only if you know what is really going on, can you make it better. And don’t be afraid of opening a can of worms. Not knowing, and potentially having an explosive situation on your hands because your people are secretly frustrated, is much worse in the long run. 

Trust me.

This is an excerpt from a new book I’m working on: 12 Things to Consider when Opting Out

Opt out or lean in – is that really the question?

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Do you remember about 10 years ago when Sheryl Sandberg, who was the COO of Facebook at the time, published her book Lean In? I think it was, in part at least, a response to the debate on women opting out, especially to the voices that celebrated the women who left high-powered careers that they felt no longer worked for them. There were a lot of people who thought of opting out as an emancipatory act, while others were very critical of women leaving the careers and power positions that feminists had fought so hard for them to have. In her book, Sandberg called on women to lean in instead and make a difference, encouraging them to dream big and overcome obstacles in order to achieve their full potential. She felt that too many women weren’t doing this and she wanted to encourage women to take their rightful seat at the table. 

Sandberg did have many good points. Women do experience obstacles that prevent them from taking a seat at the table. However, due to issues of discrimination, many women can’t get a seat no matter how much they lean in. These are important issues that need to be discussed and I applaud Sandberg for championing women and encouraging them to succeed. 

But, as a result of the book, people starting thinking about opting out and leaning in as opposites. Maybe this isn’t so strange considering that the opting out debate, until I joined it, had solely been about women who leave high powered careers to become stay-at-home moms. People thought opting out was about leaving the paid work force altogether.

It is not.

What I have found in my research is that people with careers rarely opt out to stop working altogether. Opting out isn’t about dropping out. Nor is it necessarily about downshifting, quiet quitting or doing less. It can be, but mostly it’s not about the amount of work but rather having more control over when, how and when we work. It’s about choosing to leave a certain mainstream way of pursuing a career to work and live on different terms. 

People who opt out generally do so because they come to a point where they realize that they just can’t go on the way they have. Something happens that makes them see that the way they have been working just isn’t worth it and needs to stop. It can be health reasons, not being able to be there for loved ones, a clash of values at work, an identity crisis or anything really that provides a light-bulb moment that acts as a catalyst for change. It’s like the jolt that Anthony Klotz talks about in his book Jolted.

Contrary, however, to many of the types of jolts Klotz describes in his book, the people who opt out haven’t generally thought about doing it before they actually get that light-bulb moment. None of the people I have interviewed in my research dreamed about opting out nor did any of them plan to. They were all working on their careers in earnest when they realized that something had to give. In other words, they didn’t lack ambition nor the desire to have a meaningful job or career. 

Nevertheless, they opted out. 

Another thing that has been abundantly clear in my research is that not only isn’t opting out about people who don’t want to work or ‘lean in’, it really isn’t ’just’ a women’s issue either. Opting out is rather about our workplaces, our working cultures, and the expectations that we place on our employees, regardless of gender. Having said that, experiences of work are very gendered as we, in part, place different expectations on men and women. But opting out as a phenomenon is not limited to any one gender. 

Opting out is about people. It is about people who no longer want to or can work the way they have. It’s about leaving in order to create lifestyles and solutions of work that are sustainable and it’s about doing so on your own terms.

Opting out is about opting in to lifestyles and solutions for work where you have more control over where, when and how you work. It is also entails thinking about what is important to you and what you are and are not willing to give up.

In her book, Sandberg wrote, “I have written this book to encourage women to dream big, forge a path through the obstacles, and achieve their full potential.” And then later, “I hope they [my children] end up exactly where they want to be. And when they find where their true passion lies, I hope they both lean in – all the way.”

This really is not all that different from opting out and in. In fact, I would argue that this is what a lot of people who opt out and in do. They forge a path where they can finally work or live to their full potential without the constraints of a very rigid career ideal or model. 

So yes, you can both opt out and lean in. 

If you have opted out, or if you’re thinking about it, don’t listen to the people who tell you that you’re wasting your career. There are many ways to forge a career path. If there is one thing I have learned during my own career(s), it is that there are many ways to reach the same destination. You don’t have to tread the expected path. You can make your own way and create a path and a life that works for you. We are all different, why would we all want to do things in the same way?

So contrary to what many people would have you believe, opting out does not mean dropping out or giving up on yourself or your career. It might just turn out to be a very strategic career move. Only you can know.

So no, opting out or leaning in really isn’t the question.

This is an extract from a new book I’m working on: 12 Things to Consider when Opting Out

12 things to consider when opting out

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It was at least a couple of years ago, maybe more. I was on an island in the Finnish archipelago on my annual summer holiday. One night I woke up with a start. I had dreamed about my next book and, in my sleep, I had come up with the best title. But there I was, in the middle of the night. I didn’t have single thing handy to record this amazing idea. No pencil, no note pad, no phone… not even a crinkled tissue. And you know how it is, if you don’t write it down, by morning it will be gone. 

The title was 12 things to consider when opting out. 

Well, funnily enough, I managed to will myself to remember what I thought was a catchy title and I fell back asleep and actually continued dreaming about it for the rest of the night so that, come morning, I did actually get up and write it down. Needless to say, I wasn’t very well rested…

So, this has been a book that has been on my writing to do list ever since. It fit perfectly in my plan. For the past few years I have been turning my research on opting out and in into a series of books. My first book, Opting Out and In, is on women opting out and it takes a slightly broader societal look at the phenomenon. My second book, Men Do it Too, is on men opting out and it focuses more on work and careers. My third book, that I am working on as we speak, is about what organizations can and need to do to create workplaces that people won’t long to leave. 12 things to consider would be a perfect fourth. It would take an individual approach and be for people who dream of opting out, which, according to studies, has turned out to be most of us.

At the time of the dream, I was still working on my second book, so 12 things to consider simply had to get in line. But I was excited about it and I started jotting down ideas and came up with a preliminary table of contents. I mean, I didn’t even know if 12 was the right amount. Did I even have 12 things to say about the topic? And it turned out that I did. 

But like every creative, I get filled with doubt at times. It this this really what I should be focusing on? Is this any good? Do people even want to read this? (This is the reason my mantra is ‘keep going keep going keep going’. You just have to trust the process.) And as I’ve been working on the book for organizations, I’ve started to wonder, do I even want to write this book?

After all, I’m always telling everyone that I don’t really want to coach people in opting out, I want people to have working lives that they won’t constantly long to leave. Besides, those who do dream about opting out and would be the potential readers of my book, maybe they don’t want a well-researched book of all the rational things they need to think of before opting out. Because if faced with the sense of urgency that the situation leading to opting out can entail, you may not necessarily have the time nor the patience for a sensible book on opting out. You just want to do to it, you just need to do it because you know that you simply can’t work the way you have anymore. 

So, this has been my dilemma. 

Imagine my surprise when an editor I’ve been in touch with recently mentioned a book that was just about to be published at the time, which, based on the description, seemed to be a book on opting out from an individual perspective! I threw myself on my computer to preorder the book and by now it has been published and I have it in my hands. It’s a book titled Jolted: Why We Quit, When to Stay, and Why it Matters by Anthony Klotz, the very person who actually coined the expression ‘The Great Resignation’. 

You might think that I was bummed that Klotz seemed to have beat me to it, that is, written a book for people who dream about opting out. But you would be mistaken. My initial reaction was relief; I’m off the hook. I thought, ‘wow, I don’t have to worry about whether or not I want to write the book anymore.’ But to tell you the truth, now that I’m actually reading it, I realize it isn’t actually the book I was planning to write. It’s good, but different. So maybe I should just stick to my original plan. 

In the meantime, I thought I would share with you the table of contents I developed after the night of the dream. I’m playing with the idea of just going ahead and writing this book right here on my blog. Maybe my next post could be chapter one? What do you think?

Chapter One: Opt out or lean in – is that really the question?

Chapter Two: It isn’t just you

Chapter Three: Have you just asked?

Chapter Four: How do you figure out what you want to do?

Chapter Five: Not everyone will get it and that’s okay

Chapter Six: There are many roads to the same destination

Chapter Seven: What is success anyway?

Chapter Eight: What about your partner?

Chapter Nine: What will this mean financially?

Chapter Ten: Nothing is forever

Chapter Eleven: Creating sustainable solutions for work

Chapter Twelve: Being a part of the change

On working in places where practices go against your values, and deciding that you can’t

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People opt out for a number of reasons. Yes, the dream and pull of a new lifestyle that is more sustainable and where you can live and work on your own terms plays in. But truth be told, it is the push of a job that you no longer can or want to do, for whatever reason, that actually makes you take the step. 

In my research I have found that more often than not it is values, or the clash of values, that becomes the tipping point. It can be values regarding anything really, but I’ve found that it often has to do with the ethical treatment of others, both humans and non-humans. 

People come to a point when they realize that they just can’t stand for whatever it is their employer is doing. 

That was the case last time I left a job. Especially with the research I do and everything I stand for regarding sustainable work, ethical and respectful treatment of others, and wellbeing, I just couldn’t continue working for an organization that didn’t seem to care about any of that. 

I’m not going to get into the details right now because there are just too many for a blog post, but I had been mistreated myself and I saw how much suffering there was around me and I realized that if I accept this and just go on as if nothing had happened, it would be hypocritical. I can’t accept crap for myself that I tell others has no place in the organizational sphere. Or any sphere, really. 

So I left. And I’m no alone. A clash of values and a sense of disillusionment are reasons why many people leave. And the fact of the matter of is, values are important and they are just getting more so with every new generation that enters the work force. 

Research has shown that one thing that sets gen z workers apart from previous generations is that values play a much bigger role for them in relation to work and money. They generally want more than to just make money and also have higher expectations on their employers. They have sites where they compare notes and don’t want just any job, but one that is aligned with their values. 

Sometimes older generations will roll their eyes at this but I think they are right to expect more from their employers. I think one reason why so many work places are sites for so much suffering is that we haven’t expected enough. 

So don’t underestimate the importance of values.

Besides, research has also shown that ethical treatment of others – both those inside and outside the organization – is good for business. It’s good for the bottom line. But as I tell my students, using this as an argument to get organizations to act more ethically is really quite problematic. Because what if it turns out that it really isn’t a game changer? What if the bottom line is good enough without treating others well, is it still okay then not too?

If we all know something has got to give, then why is it so hard to change?

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All the years I’ve been researching, writing and talking about opting out and in, sustainable solutions for work and work place wellbeing, I’ve never come across anyone in the organizational world who doesn’t think all this is of the essence. I’ve been at it for a while now, and the whole time my work has been received as timely and important and with great interest. 

Still, even though there is a lot of consensus regarding this, people continue struggling with the same issues at work and more and more of them dream of opting out. 

Okay, before you say anything, I do know that not everything is the same. The pandemic showed us that we can change when we have to and there are a lot of organizations that now provide their employees with more flexibility regarding where, when and how they work. Also, some organizations have started prioritizing mental health more and now have routines and policies in place to support that. 

Nevertheless, there are a lot of organizations that don’t. Some may talk the talk but not walk it, and some – all too many – don’t even talk it. 

Why is this? Why is it so hard to change?

Well, one of the main problems is that the way we understand work; and what we know to be a ‘good’ way of working or organizing our work has become something of a truth. When things have been in a certain way for as long as we can remember, we tend to think that is the natural way for them to be and it becomes hard to even imagine doing things differently. It is simply the way things are done. 

But let me let you in on a secret. The way we understand work isn’t a truth. It isn’t a law of nature, it has been invented and implemented by us and not even that long ago. It’s actually quite a recent invention. 

The current career ideal was developed as a result of industrialization and the prosperity many nations experienced after World War II. Employees were expected to be loyal to one employer and career advancement involved an upward movement in the organization in a timely fashion, brought about by promotions. As mainly men started working in the industries, some argue that the career wasn’t created for one, but one and a half people: the man with the career and the wife who took care of everything he didn’t have time for because he was so tied up at work. 

Although a lot has changed in society since then, this is ironically still the career ideal today: the timely upward movement and the expectation of complete dedication and devotion to work. Anything else it considered suspect, at least if you want to advance to the upper echelons of corporate hierarchies. 

But guess what, we don’t have to organize work the way we do! There is nothing natural or predetermined about it. We can reinvent why we work, how we work and how much we work. 

The problem is just that in order to change we have to want to change. And not only that, we also have to realize that we need to change. We have to have that lightbulb moment. Until we do, and if it’s going well enough, it’ll just feel easier to continue the way we have.  

So how do we do that? How do we get people and organizations to see the light? Do we have to wait until things get so bad that there will be no choice but to change?  

Why are middle managers so unhappy? (And why is it so hard for me to write about?!)

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I’ve been trying to write a blog post about why middle managers are so unhappy for about a month now. I’ve kept the Word file open on my computer and every once in a while I’ll stumble upon it amongst all the other windows that are open on my screen (I’m telling you, I feel like I have a hundred things going on simultaneously at the moment), and it glares accusingly at me, reminding me that in my last blog post I promised you all that I was reviving my blog. And here I am, having not posted a thing since December.

It’s not that I don’t know why middle managers are so unhappy. I do. According to studies, they are the unhappiest group in the organizational world and the main reason is that they are just that – in the middle. They don’t generally make the strategic decisions, but they do have to implement them. They deal with and have to manage expectations from both above and below and are burdened with administrative responsibilities. They reportedly spend about 35% of their total working time in meetings. That’s more than a third!

This leads to a feeling of not having agency, that their hands are tied, which in turn affects wellbeing. I see this again and again in my opting out research. 

So why is this so hard to write about? 

The thing is, I already wrote the blog post, I had a version ready for publication, but when I looked at it I just thought it was boring. And if it bores me to read, I’m pretty sure it will bore you too. 

So, the other night I decided that’s it. I need to get this written. This is part of my book project on what organizations need to do to create work places that people won’t long to leave (because let’s face it, a lot of people dream of opting out), and the crass reality is that I need to produce texts. No words, no book.

I sat down at my computer and started reworking the post. I wrote and rewrote. I reorganized the text, moving sentences back and forth and back again. But no, it didn’t help. It didn’t make the post any more interesting. I just wasn’t feeling it.

And this is the thing, I need to start from me. I need to have a connection to what I’m writing, I need to feel it. I can’t just spew out text on command if I’m not feeling it and think anyone will want to read it. What I had written wasn’t a blog post, it was more of a well-formulated list of why middle manager are so unhappy. 

So today it hit me. I need to write down my experience. It’s ironic, but maybe understandable, that writing, which I love to do, which feels meaningful and provides me with such a sense of accomplishment, can also be so painful and angst-ridden. I was actually watching an Instagram live by an artist I follow, Philippa Stanton (@5ftinf), and she said exactly this (maybe not in those words, but that was the gist). Hearing it made me feel relieved and understood. Maybe it isn’t so weird. After all, writing (or any creative art form) is actually a very personal endeavor. 

But back to middle managers. Why is this important? Well, for one, every once in a while, I see stories and reports of how it’s become increasingly difficult for companies to get people to accept promotions if the result of that promotion is a middle management position. Despite the promise of a raise and a more prestigious job, people are increasingly saying thanks but no thanks. 

Then there is also the issue of people leaving. When I started researching opting out, it was more of an exception than anything else, simply because leaving is hard. But now people are doing it in numbers never before witnessed. 

So what do we do? Well there are a lot of things we can do to help the individual middle manager. But on a whole, we really need to look at organizational working cultures and practices. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, something has got to give. 

What about you? Are you a middle manager? Do you recognize any of this? Or are you in a workplace where you can thrive? Tell me about it, I would love to hear from you!

You can email me at theoptingoutblog@gmail.com. All emails are confidential.

PS. Those of you hoping for a list, here is one from a study published by The Harvard Business Review of reasons given by middle managers on why they are so unhappy (in order of importance):

  1. Bad leadership
  2. They see no career or promotion opportunities
  3. Their work lacks meaning and purpose
  4. They feel that they are treated unfairly compared to others
  5. They don’t feel valued or appreciated
  6. They don’t believe the problem will be addressed if they raise an issue
  7. They’re overworked
  8. They see the organization as inefficient and ineffective
  9. Their distinctiveness in not valued or appreciated

Calling all like-minded people!

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I haven’t opted out just once, I’ve done it twice. 

I first opted out of a career in consulting in 2009 to work on a PhD. And then I did it again sometime around 2017, when I realized that I didn’t want an academic career either, at least not the publish-or-perish-in-order-to-reach-full-professor kind. I didn’t leave the academic world, but I did step off the proverbial career ladder to do it on my own terms. 

I had a light-bulb moment when I was reworking a particular paper to be resubmitted to a journal for what felt like the millionth time. Several journals and even more reviewers had me and my cowriter jumping through hoops in what seemed like a never-ending loop of critical feedback, rewriting, rejection, resubmission… While the paper was undoubtedly getting better, much of the time it was also a question of nuances and reviewers’ preferences. And ironically, the actual research results remained the same no matter how many hours we spent revising. 

I realized I was working my butt off for the wrong audience (and not really having a very good time while I was at it). I came to academia from the business world and I have visions for what we need to do to make the world of work a better place for all of us. Reworking a paper ad absurdum and then to not even have it seen by people in the world that I want to impact, frankly just felt like a huge waste of time. 

It was then I realized that it just wasn’t what I wanted. I wanted to continue doing research, but I wanted to do it on different terms, on my own terms. 

When I started talking about how I wanted to work, some of my former colleagues seemed genuinely worried. Although I’m touched by their concern, I think it was mostly because I was talking about doing things in a way that they didn’t understand. It seemed unheard of. If you haven’t moved between worlds and seen different ways of working and living, it’s hard to imagine doing things differently and going against the expected. I know it is. Banal as it may sound, it was for me too before I opted out that first time and realized that there are so many ways to live your life and make a living. 

Besides, one of the things I have learned over the years is that there are several paths that lead to the same result. We don’t all have to do things in the exact same way.

At the same time my art took off and before I knew it my professional life had warped into something very exciting and unique. It wasn’t planned, but I thankfully had the presence of mind to let it happen, maybe because I was feeling so frustrated with where I was and what I was doing (or rather how I was doing it). My art was a breath of air. What started as a side gig suddenly grew into a part-time job. 

Now I was not only doing research differently, I was combining it with painting, which must have made it all seem even weirder and harder to understand. I still get asked about what it is I really do. Some ask me if I’ve left the academic world altogether (no I haven’t) or if I’m working as an artist full time (no, not yet anyway, and I’m not even sure that I want to). When people ask me, ‘so do you paint or do research or what?’, I just say ‘yes, all of the above’. I guess it must seem like a whacky combination, even though it makes perfect sense to me. 

But it can also make things tricky. If what you’re doing is hard to define, marketing yourself and your products and services can be challenging. People feel comfortable with what they recognize, and a researcher-writer-storyteller-consultant-artist may be hard to, recognize that is.

And then there is the business of finding your group. We all need supportive people in our lives and having your own reference group, be it colleagues, collaborators, friends or networks, can really make all the difference. You need people who you can discuss ideas with. You need people who can give advice when you’re stuck. You need people who can cheer you on when the going gets tough. This is hard to do for someone who doesn’t understand what you’re doing, so friends and family who may be hugely important in your life and who mean well are not necessarily helpful in this respect. 

I do have people in my life who can cheer me on, but being a researcher-writer-storyteller-consultant-artist with my own business can also be lonely at times. I’m thinking there are probably a lot of us out there who could really use each other’s professional input and support. 

So, in an attempt to grow my own reference group, I’m calling all like-minded people. If you’re doing things on your own terms and could use a supportive group, let me know. Maybe we can set up an international group of so-called opt outers. Or if you’re in the Helsinki area, maybe we could have a group meet up at The Art Place. Coffee is on me! 

You can message me through one of my social media accounts or email me at theoptingoutblog@gmail.com

I look forward to hearing from you!

Knowing when to say yes and when to say no

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Many years ago, I was approached by a company that wanted me to be the representative of their coaching method in Finland. As a part of that process they invited me to take their test to find out exactly what kind of a person I was. It was a relatively short questionnaire and I admit I can’t really remember very much about it, except that based on the questions you were defined either as a ‘yes-sayer’ or a ‘no-sayer’. In the discussion that followed the test, it became clear that yes-sayers were considered good and desirable in the work environment, no-sayers weren’t. 

I was told I was a no-sayer.

I found this mildly amusing, although also somewhat irritating because based on the test they obviously didn’t know me at all. On the contrary, I have always had a hard time saying no, to a point of it actually being problematic for me, and especially around that time in my career I was definitely not one to say no in work situations. 

It seemed, however, that critical thought, which is so important in any situation, was easily translated to no-saying. Needless to say, in that situation I did have the presence of mind to say no and I didn’t take on the representation of their method. It was an easy decision, flattered as I was by their interest in me. I just didn’t believe in it. 

But always saying yes, being a yes-sayer as that coaching company would have it, isn’t necessarily always good. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard mainly people in the corporate world talk about how they don’t want to work with people who always say no to anything new and innovative and that they want to have people around them who say yes. Yes, I can see the appeal of that, but let’s also not underestimate the value of having people around you who can think critically. 

I’ve actually had to practise saying no. I have easily ended up taking on too much, or just been dragged into things I don’t really want to be a part of just because saying no has been difficult for me. A former colleague of mine used to celebrate the times she managed to say no and made a mark in her calendar. 

But just like always saying yes, saying no all the time isn’t good either. If we always say no we never take any risks and we never find ourselves on unexpected but meaningful and potentially successful paths. We never do anything out of our comfort zone and we may miss important opportunities that may not have been on the horizon.

The trick is to know when to say yes and when to say no. In fact, a wise friend of mine, Amanda Backholm, said the other day that knowing when to say yes and when to say no is actually a superpower. 

Those who follow me know that when I’m not doing research, I paint on silk and it has become a second job for me. It’s deeply fulfilling, not to mention fun, and I’m thankful every day that I had the presence of mind to just let it happen when the opportunity presented itself. I ignored all those voices of doubt in my head and I quickly said yes to queries of commissions and exhibitions before I could change my mind. 

I don’t always get it right, I’m not sure whether I have that superpower or not. Maybe that is something I will know only when looking back at this part of my life. 

However, getting it right every time isn’t crucial. Every once in a while, you will miss an opportunity you should have taken, or turned something down that you maybe shouldn’t have. But don’t worry. Mistakes can be corrected, minds can and should be changed if needed, and new opportunities always come a long. There are many roads out there that you can take (if you want to), you just have to keep your eyes and your mind open in order to notice them. 

And if you just don’t want to, that’s fine too.

You’re on the right track

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I feel like I just scaled a mountain. I launched my webstore yesterday. 

Getting the webstore set up has been on my to do list since last summer when I first decided it was what I wanted to do. When I first started looking into it, I felt like I was standing in the middle of a jungle and had no idea in which direction to start walking. I just didn’t know where to start and I suddenly acutely missed all the tech support departments I have worked with and have had access to during my professional life, departments that I am embarrassed to say I took for granted. Now that I am on my own and have to do every single thing myself, I finally appreciate what I no longer have. Little did I know the amount of work that goes into what they always make seem to effortless. (I apologize profusely to all the wonderful tech support professionals who have helped me over the years!)

Fast forward to the present. I can tell you I have really learned a lot. I have had to figure it all out: shipping solutions, payment methods, return policies… not to mention the actual software that I had to get my head around just to get the information on to my website. At times, it has been really frustrating and I have all but changed my mind about the whole thing. When I haven’t been able to figure something out or struggled to get something to work to the point of it feeling almost hopeless, I have learned that it is best to just stop, take a break, and come back the next day.

It was at a time like this when I received an uncannily well-timed email from Susan David. You may have heard of her. She is a psychologist and an expert on emotional agility. I have signed up for her newsletter. If you want you can do so too here. 

This particular newsletter was about emotional difficulty and how it isn’t necessarily an indicator of anything actually being wrong. Susan talks about how one shouldn’t mistake “an uncomfortable part of the creative process for a symptom of dysfunction that must be stamped out.” In reality, according to her, it actually often means we are on the right track. 

She had my full attention. Did the fact that I couldn’t seem to get my head around how the shipping template worked just be a part of my creative process? It was stressing me out, to say the least. However, when I read the newsletter, banal as it may sound, it was like Susan was telling me not to let it get to me, that feeling the way I was, is completely normal. It wasn’t just me, and it didn’t mean that I was on the wrong track. Thank you for that, Susan!

Her advice is to first let yourself process these emotions. They are valid and they are bound to emerge. Second, she recommends to try to reframe these experiences not as roadblocks but as evidence that you are actually taking steps to achieve your goals. 

Well, that was definitely what I was doing, I was setting up a webstore for crying out loud! And, as it turned out, the next morning, after having slept on it, I had a light-bulb moment and figured the whole shipping thing out. 

And I did it! Yesterday I finally crossed ‘webstore’ off my to do list and I can tell you, it felt pretty great. 

So check it out! You can find it at www.theartplacefinland.com

Remote working: why does it have to be either or?

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When I opted out in 2009 to start working on a PhD, I also started working from home. My university department and colleagues were literally on the other side of the planet, because instead of enrolling at a university closer to home, I of course chose one that was pretty much as far away as you can get. I like to joke about that because it sounds so crazy, but actually it made a lot of sense, and in hindsight I clearly see what a wise choice it was for me in many ways. 

But the point is that I went from a job in consulting where I was expected to be at the office every day, to setting up a home office and always working there. For me personally it was wonderful. I like working at home. I like being alone, I find it easier to concentrate and I don’t get distracted by laundry or unmade beds or other non-job-related things that need fixing. Besides, my kids were quite young at the time and things tended to be so intense after school and daycare, that the quiet of my work day was pure bliss. 

However, in 2009, when I opted out, working from home, or any other place than the office, was not a widespread practice. To be honest, although some organizations have had a remote working policy and made it possible for employees at least some of the time, more organizations haven’t. Face time has been considered essential – you know, if you don’t see your employees how do you know that they are doing what they are supposed to be doing? (For those of you who haven’t realized this yet, seeing them is no guarantee. If they aren’t doing what they are expected to do the problem has little to do with them being there physically or not.)

It wasn’t until this past year when people were forced to stay at home, that many organizations that previously had been reluctant, had to try remote working in earnest. And surprise surprise, they realized that not only was it possible, for some it was better than working in the office. But many have also realized, that having people work in different physical places, puts new expectations on managers and work routines. You cannot lead people in the same way you would if you were all in the same location. This is the reason that the lockdown remote working experience of 2020 has generally been most draining and stressful for managers. They haven’t been able to just fall back on familiar routines.

But this is all fine and good. It is lightbulb moments like these that lead to changed behavior and new practices. However, one thing continues to baffle me. Just as many have previously held that their employees need to be physically present at all times for things to work, now I see debates about how always working remotely really can be a strain and difficult in many ways. I get the feeling it might be a defensive reaction of sorts to all the hype we’ve seen around remote working during the past few months? I mean, it turns a lot of the assumptions we’ve had about working life for a long time on their head. 

But who says working remotely has to mean never coming in to the office at all? Why would it have to be a question of either or? 

Even when employees are presented with the option to work remotely, some will want to continue going to the office every day. A study has shown that few people are like me, and most people prefer a combination of the two. And I think that makes perfect sense. It allows people to come in and meet colleagues, have face-to-face discussions, have in-person meetings…. But it also allows people to work from home or somewhere else when they need to and gain more control over where, when and how they work. My own research has shown that this is something people find extremely important, mainly because it increases quality of life. Simply put, it just makes life easier. 

So yes, having to work remotely all the time is not necessarily a good thing. We have seen that during the pandemic. Although many have reported that they are more productive, they have also reported that they feel tired and miss their colleagues. But that does not mean that we should forget working remotely altogether. Allowing people to have a combination – the best of both worlds – is very doable, as is allowing them to decide what they want their mix to look like. 

And yes, it involves a change of management routines.