Tag Archives: Writing

Why are there so many bad bosses?

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Well, I can think of a few reasons. First of all, being a boss is hard. Leading a team or an organization takes skill. 

You may have heard the statement that people don’t leave companies, they leave bad bosses. Well that isn’t always true, but what is true is that a bad boss is one of the main reasons, if not the main reason, that people leave. And as we know, ever since the pandemic, people have been opting out in droves, and work-related mental health issues are at an all-time high. According to The Mental Health at Work Report 2022, three in four employees are experiencing mental health issues at work. 

But first, I want to say that there are a lot of really great bosses out there. For some it comes more naturally, and others have to work harder for it, but they are out there. The problem is just that there are a lot of bad bosses too, and bad bosses, without meaning to or even being aware of it, can really cause a lot of harm. 

So how do people become bosses in the first place? Often it is from being really good at what they do. A person without leadership responsibilities might be excelling at their job and then get awarded for that with a promotion to lead the team. So, a salesperson, for example, who is a wizard at sales is made head of the sales team because they are so darned good at selling. But being a wizard at sales is no guarantee that you are going to be any good at leading a team, or that you even like doing it. Do you see what I mean?

And there is a lot of prestige associated with leadership roles and having people report to you. So, people often accept the raise and the status without maybe thinking about what it really entails. 

Now I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, but people do get leadership training to support them in their role. Yes, this is true, some do some don’t. And leadership training certainly helps. I encourage everyone who is in a leading position to get leadership training. 

But there is also something about our working cultures that doesn’t exactly foster the kind of skills and routines that you need to connect with your people.  In fact, studies have shown that there is a growing sense of disconnection in our workplaces and people are feeling lonelier than ever.

Organizational cultures tend to encourage us to push forward, be competitive and not show emotions. Business is business, right? It isn’t personal.

Wrong.

Business is personal. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: it’s highly personal because we (employees) make up the business and we are all people. But because of this norm, we are encouraged to keep our personal lives separate and not show emotions at work, or at least only show the ‘right’ emotions. But, the thing is that what happens in our personal lives deeply affects how we act and perform at work. And vice versa, naturally. Also, when people aren’t allowed to bring their real, whole selves to work, it makes it really hard for them to realize their full potential. 

This is because we are whole human beings and as much as we are encouraged or would like to leave parts of our selves at the door, that’s actually not how it works. 

I just finished a book, HumanForce: The Power of Emotions in the Changing Workplace, and the author, Natalie Boudou, hits the nail on its head again and again. She talks about how we need stronger, more intelligent workplaces and how a strategy of greater emotional intelligence and openness is the key to successful leadership. It turns out that compassion and emotion, traditionally thought of as soft, fluffy bunny issues and words not generally used in conjunction with work, are in fact strategic issues that provide the key to healthy, creative, productive and competitive work places. 

Leaders simply need to be emotionally intelligent. If this doesn’t come naturally to you, and for most people it probably doesn’t, you need to work on it. It’s an acquired skill. And if you are a boss or a leader, you need to want to be around your people and connect with them. If you do, you will have a better sense of what they are going through and a better understanding of their needs, which will help you adapt your leadership style to different people in different situations. If you don’t, you’re not really being a leader. 

P.S. Read the book! You can find it here.

A time of crisis is a moment of reckoning

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I think we can all agree that we live in a time of crisis. The crises we face are many, they are serious, and they are all interconnected. 

The environmental crisis – climate change – is perhaps the biggest of all because without a planet there is no us. It’s also arguably the first crisis that literally affects everyone, every country and every person on this globe, and as such it is a crisis that we have to solve together. This can be frustrating and difficult because everyone doesn’t seem to think that this crisis is serious, serious enough to give up comfort, economic growth or profit for, or that it affects them. But that is an illusion. 

It affects all of us regardless of where we live in the world, whether it’s about lands becoming unlivable, wars that are fought over diminishing resources, mass migration to countries that aren’t seeing the worst of it yet, or just bees dying which inevitably will mean that we won’t have food.

We’re also seeing a crisis of democracy. I think we’re all acutely aware of that, whether or not we think it’s a good thing or a bad thing. Because the world is exactly that polarized at the moment that there are people who really think it’s a good thing. 

The US is on everybody’s minds, lips and social media feeds at the moment, and the things that are going on there are hard to even grasp. This is also a crisis that affects all of us; it’s not just a domestic issue, nor is it a phenomenon that is unique to the US.

This rise of populism and easy answers to difficult questions is a phenomenon we’re seeing in many different countries around the world. Populist political parties are gaining traction mainly because a lot people are just sick and tired of the status quo. 

What’s going on in the US and in many other places around the world is in other words a symptom of something. We need to take it seriously, not ridicule and antagonize those who think differently, and do our best to understand why some people are just so sick and tired that they don’t even believe in democracy anymore. Because even though democracy isn’t perfect, it’s the best system we have and we need to protect it. It’s vulnerable and can be destroyed if we don’t stand up for it. 

Another crisis we’re seeing is a crisis of the work place. There’s a lot of suffering in the organizational and corporate world. People get sick, people die. People are also leaving their jobs and careers in numbers never before witnessed. There are a lot of people who just don’t want to do it anymore. They feel like the cost to their health, to their families, and to their lives is just too high.

So what do we do? Well, as I said, a crisis is a time of reckoning. It’s a time of change and reinvention, and a time when anything is possible. The balls are up in the air and we need to decided where and how we want them to land. It’s time to change the way we think about work. It’s time to change the way we think about a lot of things.

Change is hard though, especially when it craves a new way of thinking. That’s why it often takes a crisis for change to really happen. But I believe we can do it, if not for any other reason than that we have no choice. 

The pandemic showed us that we really can rethink things completely and change at a drop of a hat when we have to. And we are already seeing some interesting initiatives that redefine how we think about work. 

The four-day work week or six-hour work day is one example. When we have been doing something in a certain way for as long as we can remember we start seeing it as a truth. But truth be told, the five-day, 40-hour work week is actually a relatively recent phenomenon.

The four-day work week questions what we think we know about efficiency, productivity and dedication. Research has shown that we really aren’t very efficient or productive if we work very long days. It’s not the best use of our time. On the contrary, a shorter week or a shorter work day allows us to be more efficient because we don’t get as tired and we have an easier time combining work with other areas of life. This has been tested in a number of different countries and test results have been very positive. So positive that some organization haven’t looked back since. 

We live in a world where we idealize constant growth and efficiency. Still, resources are finite, both our personal and our planetary ones. We can’t always be efficient; if we don’t pace ourselves we burn out. If we do pace ourselves, it opens up possibilities for creativity, creative thinking and new solutions. Not to mention mental and physical wellbeing.

I know, in a world where organizations struggle to stay competitive, it’s hard to be the one leading the change.

But it’s time, it has to be done.  And we can do it!

P.S. If your organization is doing something different that challenges current thinking – anything, big or small – let me know, I’d love to hear about it!

Why are middle managers so unhappy? (And why is it so hard for me to write about?!)

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I’ve been trying to write a blog post about why middle managers are so unhappy for about a month now. I’ve kept the Word file open on my computer and every once in a while I’ll stumble upon it amongst all the other windows that are open on my screen (I’m telling you, I feel like I have a hundred things going on simultaneously at the moment), and it glares accusingly at me, reminding me that in my last blog post I promised you all that I was reviving my blog. And here I am, having not posted a thing since December.

It’s not that I don’t know why middle managers are so unhappy. I do. According to studies, they are the unhappiest group in the organizational world and the main reason is that they are just that – in the middle. They don’t generally make the strategic decisions, but they do have to implement them. They deal with and have to manage expectations from both above and below and are burdened with administrative responsibilities. They reportedly spend about 35% of their total working time in meetings. That’s more than a third!

This leads to a feeling of not having agency, that their hands are tied, which in turn affects wellbeing. I see this again and again in my opting out research. 

So why is this so hard to write about? 

The thing is, I already wrote the blog post, I had a version ready for publication, but when I looked at it I just thought it was boring. And if it bores me to read, I’m pretty sure it will bore you too. 

So, the other night I decided that’s it. I need to get this written. This is part of my book project on what organizations need to do to create work places that people won’t long to leave (because let’s face it, a lot of people dream of opting out), and the crass reality is that I need to produce texts. No words, no book.

I sat down at my computer and started reworking the post. I wrote and rewrote. I reorganized the text, moving sentences back and forth and back again. But no, it didn’t help. It didn’t make the post any more interesting. I just wasn’t feeling it.

And this is the thing, I need to start from me. I need to have a connection to what I’m writing, I need to feel it. I can’t just spew out text on command if I’m not feeling it and think anyone will want to read it. What I had written wasn’t a blog post, it was more of a well-formulated list of why middle manager are so unhappy. 

So today it hit me. I need to write down my experience. It’s ironic, but maybe understandable, that writing, which I love to do, which feels meaningful and provides me with such a sense of accomplishment, can also be so painful and angst-ridden. I was actually watching an Instagram live by an artist I follow, Philippa Stanton (@5ftinf), and she said exactly this (maybe not in those words, but that was the gist). Hearing it made me feel relieved and understood. Maybe it isn’t so weird. After all, writing (or any creative art form) is actually a very personal endeavor. 

But back to middle managers. Why is this important? Well, for one, every once in a while, I see stories and reports of how it’s become increasingly difficult for companies to get people to accept promotions if the result of that promotion is a middle management position. Despite the promise of a raise and a more prestigious job, people are increasingly saying thanks but no thanks. 

Then there is also the issue of people leaving. When I started researching opting out, it was more of an exception than anything else, simply because leaving is hard. But now people are doing it in numbers never before witnessed. 

So what do we do? Well there are a lot of things we can do to help the individual middle manager. But on a whole, we really need to look at organizational working cultures and practices. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, something has got to give. 

What about you? Are you a middle manager? Do you recognize any of this? Or are you in a workplace where you can thrive? Tell me about it, I would love to hear from you!

You can email me at theoptingoutblog@gmail.com. All emails are confidential.

PS. Those of you hoping for a list, here is one from a study published by The Harvard Business Review of reasons given by middle managers on why they are so unhappy (in order of importance):

  1. Bad leadership
  2. They see no career or promotion opportunities
  3. Their work lacks meaning and purpose
  4. They feel that they are treated unfairly compared to others
  5. They don’t feel valued or appreciated
  6. They don’t believe the problem will be addressed if they raise an issue
  7. They’re overworked
  8. They see the organization as inefficient and ineffective
  9. Their distinctiveness in not valued or appreciated