Author Archives: Ingrid Biese

The ideal worker – a remnant of the past (or at least it should be)

Posted on by
Reply

As you may recall, I signed a contract with a publisher a few months ago to write a book on opting out. Well, the deadline to submit my manuscript is approaching and you will be pleased to know that I am currently working on my final chapter, the epilogue! In other words my manuscript is almost finished and ready to go!

Although I love writing (most of the time) and the thought of working on a book still feels like a dream, I will be so relieved when I have finally sent it all off to my editor. I’ve felt like this book project has been hanging over me, because I haven’t been able to work on the book as much as I would have liked to since I signed. The main reason being I was pretty bogged down with teaching during the winter without much headspace for anything else. But my employer has been gracious enough to allow me to concentrate almost solely on the book since the end of April, and all I can say is hooray for understanding employers!

One observation I have made about myself during this process is especially interesting. The thing is, writing is quite different from many other forms of work. I cannot put in a full eight hours, or however long your workday is, writing and producing new text. If I get up in the morning, go to my office, and just sit down at my computer with the intention of putting words down on paper – or rather in a Word document – it would never work. I wouldn’t know what to write, no ideas would come to me, and there would be no book. In order to have something to say, I need to think about what I have read, I need to think about my research, I need to think about what my take on things is… In short, I need time to reflect. And that is not something I can do at my computer. I cannot get up in the morning, go to the office, sit down at my desk and reflect in order to then write down my reflections and turn them into a book. That’s not how it happens.

I need unstructured time where I let my mind wander, where I allow myself space for unstructured and unplanned thinking. It may be in the shower, it may be when I’m jogging, or it may be when I’m vacuuming (Okay no. That never happens, I just don’t vacuum, my husband does. It was just an example). This unstructured time creates space for creativity and if I allow myself this time, ideas come to me and then I can sit down at my computer and just write it all down. And presto, in short creative burst like this a book is born.

However that was not the interesting or surprising observation I was referring to earlier. What has me completely confounded is that although I know this, and although giving myself time and space to reflect is really the most effective and efficient way for me to write a book, my work ethic and my sort of warped idea of what efficient work looks like, makes me feel kind of guilty about not working all the time. Let me run this by you again: I have been taught that the ideal worker goes to the office and works for whatever amount of hours is specified in the contract plus a few more in order to be considered a good and committed worker, regardless of the nature of the work the person is doing. So I of all people, who research working cultures, cultural conditioning, and new meanings of work; who has all these thoughts on how we need to change work in order to bring working culture into the 21st century; and who knows just how important this is for so many reasons not least of which is our wellbeing; I of all people have trouble with alternative forms of work because also I have been conditioned to believe that there is only one right way of working.

So if it is difficult for me, how difficult isn’t it going to be for people who haven’t been researching this for the past seven or so years?

That is a scary thought. But at least I guess I know what I’m up against. And now more than ever I clearly see just how much we need to redefine work as we know it. Times are a changing and our employers need to keep up!

My definition of success

Posted on by
Reply

Have you noticed how when you meet new people, the first thing they tend to ask is “What do you do?” I remember a woman I interviewed once who was very frustrated by this. She had opted out but not yet figured out what she was going to do next, and in the meantime she was temporarily at home with her kids. This question frustrated her so much because she couldn’t identify with being a stay-at-home mom, she felt an acute loss of identity and extremely self-conscious about not living up to expectations. ‘Just’ being a stay-at-home mom didn’t feel important enough.

Well, the fact that we don’t really value nonpaid care work is very problematic. I mean, anyone who has been at home with children knows that being a stay-at-home mom is definitely not doing nothing, even though those posing the question aren’t just wondering what you do, but what you get paid to do outside the home. But that aside, I have to say that in a way I really get why there’s an interest in what it is you spend most of your time doing, because aren’t we sort what we do? And now I don’t mean professionally, I mean in general. Without activities and actions, what would our lives really consist of?

Inspired by last week’s post, I’ve been thinking about what exactly it is that makes my life successful. First I thought about my work. I’ve managed to negotiate a pretty good deal for myself at work and in a way I guess that should make me feel successful. But to tell you the truth when I really think about it, having a deal that reflects my worth is actually more of a hygiene factor than anything else. If you come from the business world, you’ve probably heard of Herzberg’s two-factor theory of motivation. There are hygiene factors like working conditions, a salary, and job security, and then there are motivators, which include recognition, a sense of achievement, and personal growth. You feel dissatisfied if your hygiene factors aren’t fulfilled, and if they are fulfilled you just feel neutral – neither satisfied nor dissatisfied. It is only if your motivators are fulfilled that you actually feel satisfaction.

And although I should feel pretty satisfied about getting a good deal, especially considering that women are generally underpaid and as research has shown not as good at negotiating or knowing their worth as men, getting what I deserve is really just a hygiene factor. Anything less would simply be unsatisfactory. What motivates me and makes my life and work a success is something completely different.

As clichéd as it sounds, I came to the conclusion that it is all the things I do and the people I have in my life that bring me joy that make my life feel meaningful and successful. I love that I can make a living reading and writing about things that interest me and that I feel are important. I have so many wonderful meaningful relationships with people close to me and I love that I have the time and flexibility to nurture these relationships, not to mention all the laughter and good conversation! I have produced two of the most delightful human beings I know and watching them grow is definitely one of my favorite things. Also, having a good relationship with them feels like a huge success. I love that I have the peace of mind to slow down enough every now and then to see all the fantastic beauty around me – that is just good for the soul. And I am able to have the most satisfying hobby that challenges me while also allowing me to cuddle with half a ton worth of furry creature (horse-back riding).

Notice how all of these things are activities? It is the things I do and the people I’m actively with which make my life meaningful, and yes also successful. None of the things I’ve listed are about money or prestige. Don’t get me wrong, money is important, we need money to live and to eat, and it is important to get that raise when you deserve it. But for me at least, these are just hygiene factors. It is rather the things that bring me joy that make my life successful.

What is success anyway?

Posted on by
Reply

I’m reading Anne-Marie Slaughter’s book Unfinished Business at the moment. You might remember Anne-Marie Slaughter; she was the one who wrote that famous article in The Atlantic titled ‘Why Women Still Can’t Have It All’. The title of her book refers to the feminist revolution, which she argues isn’t finished yet. And I do agree, there is still work to do. Despite so much progress having been made for women, gender equality still hasn’t been achieved. I mean I come from Finland and Finland is considered to be one of the most gender equal nations in the EU (and in the world for that matter) although it is also one of the most gender segregated. However, although Finland is one of the most gender equal countries, there are about 25% women in top management positions and about 27% on corporate boards. The question is, is that gender equality?

I’m actually working on a paper at the moment with a set of interviews of gender equality workers in Finnish organizations. These workers have lead projects in their organizations to make them more gender equal. What I’m finding is that there is a lot of gender fatigue in Finnish organizations today. People don’t really want to talk about gender equality anymore; they think it’s a non-issue. The result is complete disinterest in whatever it is these gender equality workers have to say. No outright resistance; they’re not rude and people generally know what’s politically correct. No, it’s just total indifference, which is worse in a way. I mean if resistance comes in the form of indifference, it’s really hard to fight. You don’t really know what you’re up against. And not only that; it kind of makes the gender equality workers and what they do invisible and that’s just awful.

One of the reasons behind the gender fatigue we see in Finland is that people think that since things are so much better for women in Finland than in many other countries in the world, we need to just give it up and be happy for what we have. Well, I find it hard to argue with people who say that, it’s hard to make them see. But the fact of the matter is that if we say we shouldn’t keep striving for gender equality because we have it so much better compared to others, it’s like saying that we shouldn’t bother about high quality education in schools because in our country children at least get to go to school. Ok, so I’m not sure that was a very good comparison, but you catch my drift.

But back to Unfinished Business. One of Slaughter’s main arguments in her book is that we will never achieve complete gender equality until we start valuing care work. It is women who continue to do the brunt of care work in society – both in countries like Finland and elsewhere. And as long as women continue to be the main carers in society, this will come in the way of having a career on the same terms as men who don’t have as difficult a time juggling work with having a family. As long as this is the case, women will just not be able to have it all.

But if we start to value care work, Slaughter argues, if we start to value also other things than paid work and objective and traditional definitions of success, only then will men also take on other responsibilities and roles in greater numbers. This, in turn, will make it possible for all – both men and women – to care for a family (which is important!) and to have a career without feeling like they’re on the brink of a nervous breakdown.

When Slaughter had her crisis and quit her high status, sought-after, dream job in foreign policy to go back to her university position, she says “I was forced to confront what was important to me, rather than what I was conditioned to want, or perhaps what I had conditioned myself to want.” And that’s the thing. That’s what women who opt out do. They start questioning the objective definitions of success, and they create their own subjective definitions instead. They realize that maybe the high status, high salary, corner office and company car really aren’t what will make them happy. Like one woman in Lisa Belkin’s column ‘The Opt-Out Revolution’ said, the raises and promotions may have meant a successful career, but they didn’t necessarily mean a successful life.

So maybe that’s what we should all do. Maybe we need to think about what success is for us. I mean what it really is, not what we think it should be or what others say it is. What exactly is it that makes your life successful?

Exciting news!

Posted on by
2

I received exciting news last week. I’ve been applying for funding for my research on men opting out and on the new meanings of work, and finally funding has been granted! Not only that, I got the mother of all funding: three years full-time funding from the Academy of Finland, which in Finland is a really big deal. In fact, it’s only just starting to sink in.

To be able to focus full-time on research is a dream for any academic, and for me it’s especially amazing since this is what I’ve been planning ever since I started working on my PhD several years ago. I want to research opting out as a societal phenomenon, not just a women’s phenomenon, I want to be the first (as far as I know) to include men in the discussion on opting out, and I want to be involved in uncovering and creating new definitions and solutions for work. This is the future and it’s happening now!

I think one of the things that worked in my favor in this round of applications was that I have already started this research. I was frustrated last year when I couldn’t seem to convince funders of the importance of this topic, so I decided to start interviewing men on their opting out experiences anyway without funding because I knew this is what I wanted to do. As a result I’ve already conducted about 10 pilot interviews and could share preliminary impressions and results in my application.

So if there is one learning to take away from this, it is that if there is something you really want to do, don’t wait for permission, just do it!

I’m going to miss teaching though, I was just getting into it and I really liked it. But you win some and you lose some, and in this case the win is pretty amazing. Post-doc research project, here I come!

Oh right, and I also need more men to interview. So if you are a man who has opted out to adopt a new lifestyle or way of working, or if you know of someone who is and who would be willing to be interviewed, please contact me: theoptingoutblog@gmail.com

All emails are confidential and will be treated as such.

Don’t sweat the small stuff

Posted on by
Reply

My father passed away a few weeks ago. We were close and I miss him terribly. This is the first time I’ve lost someone this close to me and although I’ve lost beloved grandparents and other people from my extended family, it’s just different when it’s your parent. The grief is acute and physical and it just feels hard to comprehend.

But it really puts things into perspective.

I think about all the people I’ve met during my journey from the business world to academia. The people I’ve talked to about opting out, whether casual discussions at parties or conferences or interviews I’ve conducted for my research. A common denominator for all opting out stories is that something has happened in these people’s lives – a crisis of some sort – that has helped or pushed them to take the step and make a real change instead of just talking or dreaming about it.

And it’s true, a crisis or traumatic event may propel a person to make a change as well as trigger some serious soul searching. If everything goes well (and this is important because let’s not romanticize crisis here; we have to remember that a crisis is no walk in the park and some people don’t recover) it may trigger personal growth and create a feeling of authenticity. As a woman I’ve interviewed said, “ You just don’t waste time on anything that doesn’t matter anymore.”

I’m finding that I can really relate to that right now. I just can’t be bothered sweating the small stuff. Intrigue at work? Not interested. Disagreements and misunderstandings? Can’t be bothered. Students who complain? I refuse to let it get to me. Really though, I’m dealing with more important stuff in my life right now.

And although I’m sad, I’m also finding that I quite like not getting fazed by what’s not important. I feel like I see things more clearly. I just hope it lasts and that I continue being able to put things into perspective. Although I suspect as time passes I will gradually slip back into getting stressed over work and deadlines like I usually do. Because that’s life, nothing is constant and opting out isn’t forever, it’s cyclical.

I wish I could put perspective in a jar and then in the future, when I need to, breathe some in and not sweat the small stuff again.

Sleep your way to the top

Posted on by
Reply

Now this week’s title must have made you a least a little curious. I have to admit, thinking up catchy titles for my posts – titles that will actually make people curious enough to click through to my blog – isn’t always my strong suit. So I’m especially pleased with this one. Although before you get too excited I have to confess that this blog post is not about sex. It’s about sleep, among other things.

I saw a video clip of Sheryl Sandberg’s Lean In interview with Arianna Huffington the other day, and ‘sleep your way to the top’ are Huffington’s words. According to Huffington we all sleep too little due to the constant pressure and need to be efficient. However, and the experts all agree on this, a lack sleep does not lead to efficiency. Sacrificing sleep in the name of productivity actually makes us less productive. So if you really want to succeed – if you want to make it to the top – you really need to get enough sleep.

Another thing Huffington brings up is that organizational culture is designed by men and fueled by burnout. Well, I’m very familiar with the concept of masculinist career models and working cultures. It’s true, prevalent career models have been designed by men for men. Whether they represent how all men want to work is a different question, but this is fact. However the idea that it is fueled by burnout was a new thought for me, and a very disturbing one at that. I know working culture can be extreme, and I know that in this day and age the ever more hectic pace and financial uncertainty take their toll. In fact according to the Kelly Global Workforce Index about half (!) of the world’s workforce is reportedly unhappy, mainly due to downsizing and uncertainty, and according to the Harvard Business Review middle managers are among the most unhappy. So I guess it should come as no surprise that also burnout is a real problem.

Huffington goes on to explain that because of this, sleep is a feminist issue and that it is women who need to lean in and reach top positions in greater numbers so that they can change working culture from the inside. So instead of opting out, according to Huffington at least, women need to stick around, gather in greater numbers, and change the environment.

That’s good, I do agree. Corporate life needs to change and we need to change it. I’m unsure of whether women alone can change it however. Women so quickly get assimilated by the culture and need to adopt masculinist norms and ideals in order to make it to the top, and because of this women aren’t necessarily good role models for other women. And the reason women don’t help each other enough as much as you’d hope may also be related to this. In part it’s due to a fear of being stigmatized in an environment where women constantly need to prove themselves worthy.

But either way, I don’t think this is only a women’s issue. I think both women and men need to and will change corporate culture together. Masculinist work cultures don’t suit all men either and like many including me argue again and again, they just haven’t kept up with the times. So yes, it’s a feminist issue, it’s a women’s issue, and it’s also a men’s issue. It’s a question of wellbeing.

But just the thought of whole societies sleepwalking through life is simply horrific. Let’s get more sleep people! Let’s sleep our way to the top. Or wherever it is you want to go.

P.S. Watch the video clip. Huffington says some very wise things about napping too. As a matter of fact, I think I might just take a nap myself.

The illusion of control

Posted on by
Reply

One of the things that comes up again and again in my research is control. Before opting out there is a feeling of having little or no control over one’s life and career. People talk about how they are drawn between work and family, they never seem to be in any one place enough – never at work enough, never at home enough – and the hectic pace simply becomes hard to keep up with. There’s a feeling of being stuck – in a job or a lifestyle – with no idea of how to break free. Because the fact of the matter is, although you want to break free, seeing or imagining what you could do instead can be hard.

And then something happens and you do finally take the step. You opt out, you leave that lifestyle that that you haven’t been able to break free from, and you feel like you’ve managed to take control over your life. You have a sense that you can finally be you.

It’s no coincidence that so much seems to revolve around the idea of control. It’s so deeply embedded in contemporary culture, in how we talk and think. We want to control everything, and we develop technology to do so; to control nature, our bodies and our health (although ironically a consequence of this is a loss of control – just consider global warming for example), and this goes hand in hand with the concept of choice. The rhetoric of choice has become one of the corners stones on which Western culture stands. By being able to choose, we believe that we can control not only our lives but also our destinies.

It reminds me of a former colleague of mine who liked to talk about the ‘illusion of control’. Before meeting clients or kicking off a development project, he would check with the team, “So do we have the illusion of control?” he would ask, and if we did we were good to go. Because you can never really have control, you can only have a feeling or an illusion, and that’s how ready you will ever be. And that’s good enough when opting out and in as well.

In fact, that has been one of my main findings. After opting out and in, people recognize that they really can’t control their lives and their surroundings, no matter how hard they try. Before opting out many of those I interviewed reported being control freaks and pathologically organized. After opting out and gaining a sense of control, they felt less need of actual control. Many became forgetful and some became rather disorganized, but in a way that they recognized as healthy.

One of the most powerful stories of letting go came from a woman who was terrified of flying. After opting out she boarded a plane to Spain, only to be informed that there was something wrong with one of the engines, but that they were working on it and hoped to be able to take off shortly. This is scary for anyone, but for someone who is afraid of flying this is definitely not good news. But instead of having a panic attack, she surprised herself by just leaning back and thinking “Well these people are professionals, I’m sure they know what they’re doing.” The difference was dramatic.

So the concept of control is important, but it is rather the idea of control than actual control. When we feel like we have control, we don’t as acutely feel the need to control. Instead we can just let go. And letting go, it seems, adds to a sense of sanity and a sense of peace. It adds to our wellbeing. Maybe that’s what we should be doing more of – letting go.

Keep calm and opt out

Posted on by
2

“A master has failed more times than a beginner has even tried.”

I read that on Facebook the other day. I can’t remember whose quote it was, but after having received my second rejection in two weeks it spoke to me. That is not to say that this spring has been all bad. I’m not getting rejected on all fronts; after all, I did land a position at the university where I’ve been teaching on short-term contracts, and the work on my opting out book is developing nicely. But it’s funny how we tend to remember the negative bits – the critique and rejections – better than the positive. In part it’s because it just takes so much mental willpower and emotional strength to keep getting up after getting knocked down again and again, and although I feel like screaming at times I keep doing it. Keep getting up. Though I do sometimes ask myself just how dreamy this living my dream business really is.

As I write this I look up longingly at a silly postcard I have thumbtacked to the bulletin board above my desk. It says: “Keep calm and opt out”. It offers me a bit of solace. Not because I’m planning to opt out again. No, but because I started to opt out about seven years ago and I’m still continuously doing so every single day, or at least the card reminds me to. Opting out is not a one off thing. It’s a process. It’s a state of mind. And it provides a feeling of control when everything else seems to be spinning out of control.

The academic world works according to rules that I’m sure frustrates most academics, at least some of the time. And many are very critical of it, but at the same time they shrug and say that’s just the way it is. If you want an academic career you just have to play according to the rules.

But if so many dislike the way things work, then why don’t we do something about it? Maybe the reason is we don’t all dislike it? Maybe we can’t imagine an alternative? Or maybe it’s just that we feel unable to do anything about it? Social theorist and psychoanalyst Paul Hoggett makes an interesting observation. While Anthony Giddens’s structuration theory holds that anyone who is capable of reflecting over his or her situation is also able to change the structures in which he or she exists, Hoggett argues that there are in fact a lot of people who are able to reflect, but that at the same time are painfully aware that there really doesn’t seem to be much they can do about their situations. He calls this state ‘self as reflexive object’. Maybe that’s the problem? Maybe that’s why some, especially early post-docs, opt to leave academia? Maybe it isn’t only the lack of funding or positions, maybe it’s the feeling that you have no control over your career and thus your life, and that there is nothing you nor anyone else can do about it?

I sometimes jokingly say that I’m a tourist in the academic world. Partly it’s because I’ve had this whole other career before I started doing research and I obviously have that to fall back on, or to go back to should I decide to. I feel like I’m standing with one foot in the academic world and one foot in the business world, and I really like it that way. It’s kind of my way of opting out. I mentally refuse to be assimilated (although I am dedicated, one doesn’t exclude the other) and I resolutely hold on to the ability to critically recognize what works and what really doesn’t, in both worlds. And it gives me comfort, because when I feel powerless to change what doesn’t work, and when I keep getting hit by rejection after rejection, it keeps me from losing my sense of self. It allows me to still be me.

I think that’s the main issue here, whether it’s about frustrated academics or mothers of young children or managers who long for a simpler life. The hectic pace, the rigid rules, and the lack of control over our lives makes us feel like we’re losing ourselves, and our sense of dignity.

A while ago I wrote a blog post where I explained how I don’t advocate opting out, because what would the world look like if we all opted out of jobs, of organizations, of society as we know it. While I still stand by my words, I’m also thinking what a narrow view I had of opting out in that moment. Because opting out doesn’t have to mean leaving the work you’re doing. It’s a state of mind. It’s hanging on to who you want to be. It’s living and working in a way you can live with. It’s an ability to prioritize and put things in perspective. And perhaps, most importantly, it’s creating alternative solutions and changing the rules by refusing to adhere to them. Today at least I feel that maybe we all should opt out. Keep calm and opt out. Maybe it isn’t such a silly postcard after all.

Mindfulness on my mind

Posted on by
Reply

I attended an interesting research seminar yesterday on mindfulness in the workplace. I have to admit, I was skeptical. I don’t really believe in the mindfulness and positive psychology hype we’re seeing pretty much everywhere (see The search for happiness or Help that just isn’t helpful). And although mindfulness can be good in many ways, I just don’t believe that it is the answer to everything.

It’s on everyone’s lips everywhere. Workshops get organized; consultancy companies specialized in mindfulness seem to pop up right and left. And although I sort of automatically get put off if everyone is doing or talking about something (I know it’s silly, but it’s true…), curiosity got the better of me. I wanted to know what exactly we’re dealing with here. And, in addition, since I research contemporary society and social change, I figured I really need to find out what this mindfulness craze is all about. Why exactly does it appeal to people so much? And why now?

Well, I have to say, I’m glad I went because I really enjoyed the talk. And the fact that the speaker had us meditate in our seats in the middle of an otherwise busy day was an extra bonus. But what struck me was how many parallels there are between my research on opting out and the speaker’s research on meditation and mindfulness. There are three things in particular: choice, control, and crisis.

He talked about being able to break our automatic behavior and choose our responses. He talked about the ability to control our attention, our reactions, our thoughts, and our feelings. And then he talked about crisis; about his own crisis that lead him to start practicing meditation, and the crises of the people he interviewed for his study. They had all experienced a personal crisis that led them to start meditating.

Now, this isn’t rocket science and you may find it obvious, but for me it was extremely interesting because these are exactly the things that keep coming up in my research on opting out: choice, control, and crisis.

The rhetoric of choice is very strong in our society. In a reality that often feels chaotic and overwhelming, the idea of free choice is an attractive one. It provides us with a sense of agency – a sense of control in a world that feels like it’s spinning out of control. And in a society where individual choice is key, where we believe that we are what we make of ourselves, and where we alone are responsible for that, the idea of choice has become a part of the very fabric of who we are.

But crisis is also interesting. Yes, a crisis will often lead to a re-evaluation of one’s lifestyle, and maybe push someone to opt out or start meditating, but there’s more. Contemporary life is defined by constant crisis. According to Anthony Giddens (author of Runaway World: How Globalization is Reshaping Our Lives) crisis today is no longer simply an interruption, but an on-going state. We live in a risk society, where we are painfully aware of all the risks we face globally, in part due to media broadcasting every catastrophe and every act of violence in full color to all corners of the globe. This is despite the fact that contemporary life in many ways is less risky that it was before, but that is not how we perceive it.

So if mindfulness promises choice and control, maybe it is not so surprising that more and more people are becoming interested in it.

And I have to say, I did enjoy the seminar. I do admit that mindfulness or meditation can be good in some situations. It is just that in this day and age, we sort of go overboard with everything – moderation isn’t exactly our strong suit – and we do this with the idea of mindfulness too. All of a sudden it has become the answer to everything. But it’s not.

So to finish I will just say, too much of the good is just that: too much. Even when it comes to chocolate.

No time to waste

Posted on by
Reply

I made a new friend a couple of days ago. She’s a woman I’ve known for years, but not very well. She’s a friend of the family, and I see her on occasion at family gatherings, although we have never gotten a chance to really get to know each other. I’ve always found her very intriguing, and a little intimidating too I have to admit. She comes across as very strong, intelligent, and opinionated, and she definitely doesn’t sugar coat things.

A couple of months ago we were at a family lunch and once again she and I were seated at opposite ends of a long table. During the meal I would sometimes glance at her, and as usual I felt sort of mildly bummed that others were getting to talk to her and not me. Well, guess what. As the lunch was drawing to an end, she came up to me as she was leaving. She told me that she suspected that we have a lot in common but that we never get to talk to each other at these things. Yes, that’s right, that’s what she said! And I told her I felt the same, although what I was really thinking was ‘I think you are so interesting’ rather than ‘I think we have a lot in common’, but whatever. Details…

We agreed that we should meet up for coffee and get to know each other a little better. And so we did. I didn’t want to put it off for very long, I mean the woman is well into her 90’s, and it kind of felt like if I’m going to get to know her, it’s now or never. And I wasn’t disappointed, and I don’t think she was either. We had a lovely chat and we exchanged phone numbers and hopefully we will talk over coffee again sometime soon.

But it got me thinking. How many of you see family or friends all too seldom? I certainly do. I have some close friends that I haven’t seen for ages. We tell each other that we really should get together at some point, but since there’s no sense of urgency we just don’t seem to get around to it. We’re so busy and overwhelmed in our every-day lives – juggling work and family and whatnot – that we don’t get around to making time for each other. Even though it’s seeing friends and family that kind of makes every-day life worth living. So maybe we need to make more of an effort, even though we’re not pushing 100 just yet.