This is the chapter (in my book 12 Things to Consider When Opting Out) that I’m most reluctant to write. It’s also the question I get the most from people who long to opt out of their jobs or careers. The reason I’m reluctant is that I tell myself, and others, that I am not, nor do I want to be, an opting out coach. Instead of helping people opt out, I want to help organizations become places where employees won’t spend all their time longing to leave.

At the same time – the more I think of it – one doesn’t exclude the other. Yes, we need to work with organizations and their working cultures, but we also need to remember the power employees have to be firebrands and agents of change.

Most people I talk to who have opted out, don’t realize what their role is in the grand scheme of things. For them, opting out is more often than not a personal journey towards coherence, authenticity and wellbeing. They don’t realize that they also play a role in changing the way we understand work. 

In addition, organizations, like people, seldom change unless there is a pressing need – unless they have had that lightbulb moment and have realized that something just has got to give. Employees opting out can therefore be an important part of that wake-up call for organizations. Employee retention is strategic for multiple reasons and if people start leaving, organizations will have no choice but to take notice.

I’m coming to terms with the fact that I can be both. Helping people understand what they want to do, how they want and need to organize their work, and what they are and aren’t willing to give up, is actually part and parcel of my greater mission: changing working life as we know it. 

So how do you go about figuring out what you should do next? 

People often ask me what the men and women I have interviewed in my research started doing after they opted out, thinking that maybe they could try it too. Unfortunately, there is no instant, easy formula for opting out and in. Every opting out and in journey is individual and personal and some people opt out of jobs that other people long to opt into. 

There are, however, things to consider and first steps to take:

Not so much what but how and with whom: 

One thing I have found is that it isn’t actually so much about what you do but rather how you do it and with whom. The people you surround yourself with are key. You may have a job doing something you love, but if your colleagues are difficult to work with, you will most likely be miserable. On the other hand, if your colleagues are great, you will most likely love working with them even if it isn’t your dream job. So sometimes it’s not what you’re doing that is the problem, but where and with whom. Or maybe you love what you’re doing, it’s just the way you are expected to work that isn’t working for you. Maybe you just need to think about how to organize your work and what your terms are for you to be able to continue doing what you’re doing. 

What have you really liked about your previous and current jobs?

One thing I have done in the past when I have really felt like I needed to do something else but not known what, is to make a list of all the things in my current and previous jobs that I have liked or loved doing, that have felt meaningful, that have given me energy, and that I wished I could do more of. It provided me with important clues as to what kind of jobs I would be interested in or what my next steps might be. You can try it too!

Knowing what you don’t want is essential:

Make another list, this time of things you definitely don’t want to do. This may seem negative, but it is actually essential to know. 

What is important to you?

What are your values, what is important to you, what are and aren’t you willing to give up? This is central for creating a lifestyle where you can live and work on your own terms, and something that came up in pretty much every narrative I collected for my opting out and in research.

Try something new:

Do something differently or try something new. Anything. If you never do anything differently nothing is ever going to be different. Take a course, learn a new skill, explore new things to figure out what you like, start taking a new route home from work, join a book club or some other endeavor where you can meet and talk to people… It’s hard to imagine things beyond what we know, beyond our current lifestyles and ways of working. Talking to others and getting new impressions is key to finding out what else is out there. And tell people you’re looking for new opportunities. Tell them you haven’t figured it out yet. You never know where it may lead.

Consider starting small:

You don’t have to take the leap right away. I know, once you’ve decided you no longer want to do what you’re doing, staying is hard and the lure of the clean slate is strong. But you don’t necessarily have to take a giant leap. You might want to stick around if you have a secure income and until you know what you want to do. You can start small on the side to see if it may be something you want to pursue or make a career of. Also, keep in mind, all hobbies are not meant to become work. Some things are nice to keep stress free and not be dependent on to make a living.

Don’t stress if it doesn’t go as planned:

…or if you change your mind. Sometimes we make choices we regret. But that doesn’t mean it was a failure or a waste of time. That is just life. Maybe the timing was off. Maybe the setup was wrong. Maybe you realized the grass really wasn’t greener on the other side. But you did something and learned important things about yourself. This is life, and with the risk of sounding cliché, it’s a journey not a destination.

This blog post is from a new book I’m working on: 12 Things to Consider When Opting Out